I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
