Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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