i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
