Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
