I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
