She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dicks are not precious.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
