youre lurking in front of me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
