who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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