Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
