You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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