i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize