billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My liver just had a heart attack.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
