Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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