I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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