is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
