What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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