Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wish there were birth control emojis
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
