I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is classic penis vs brain.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
