I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
