Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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