He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
