just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
