you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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