I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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