Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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