if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
