I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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