apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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