well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
