Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
