it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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