I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
