Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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