When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to make out with him forever
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
