I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
