Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
