I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
