Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
