You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
