I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
two words...techno handjob
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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