Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
