the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
