Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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