The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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