I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
