...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
