she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
