worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
