My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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