He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
