you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
