Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Holy sore nipples Batman
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
