Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
