just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
