party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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