do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
